For The Nights I Can't Remember
by Raven-Writer1
Summary: James wakes up to find Sirius crying. When Sirius reveals what is making him so upset, can James help him convince the person he loves that they are supposed to be together?


Although the dormitory wasn't ever entirely silent, on this particular night the snores of James and Peter were drowned out by the cries of a 6th year boy named Sirius. Now, there were many words to describe Sirius, strong-willed and self-controlled being a few of them when he set his mind to it. Due to this, the sound of tears, actual tears, streaming down Siruis's cheeks, we unfamiliar to James, therefore waking him and causing him to question whether or not he was imagining this.

"Sirius? Sirius?! Sirius!!"

As quickly as the racking sobs started they ceased, and Sirius made a futile attempt at looking like he wasn't overreacting to a seemingly small encounter he was a part of.

"Yeah?" He asked in a timid voice, trying to sound like he had just been sleeping.

"What's wrong?" James questioned. "Why are you so upset?"

"I'm completely fine, I have no idea what you're talking about," Replied Sirius, realizing he sounded much less confident then he was aiming for.

James analyzed his friend. His normally shaggy and untidy black hair was tangled and looked as though it lacked the proper care he knew it needed. His eyes were red and blood shot, his lips dry and cracked, most likely from the salty tears that still trickled from Sirius's eyes despite his best efforts to stop them. James knew his friend well enough to be aware Sirius must have been deeply hurt to appear this devastated in front of someone. He need desperately to know who had done this to a person he care about.

"Listen Sirius, there are very few things that could possibly tear you up this badly, so I advise you to tell me what's running through your head."

"You wouldn't understand, this is complicated," Sirius started explaining.

James shook his head. What was he going to have to say to make Sirius get it? "How do you know I won't?"

"Because, I'm different, I'm not like anyone around me, and you'll think I'm weird. I know I already do."

As hard as he tried not to, James rolled his eyes.

"Sirius, you know we accept Remus for being a werewolf, why would we not accept you?"

Sirius's face fell, and he didn't answer. All of a sudden the pieces in James's head clicked.

"Sirius," James started hesitantly, "this has something to do with Remus, doesn't it?"

The distraught boy fell silent almost in an instant, which was as much an answer as James needed.

"Why don't we just start from the beginning," James suggested.

Sirius took a deep, strangled sounding breath. "During the sparse time I spent growing up with my parents and family, I figures out early how little I reflected their views." His shoulders quivered, though James recognized instantly that despite the fact that Sirius was scantily clad in thin pajamas, it wasn't because of the cold. Sirius knew from countless previous experiences that the concerned look cautiously gracing James's eyes meant he needed to resume his explanation or risk being sent to the hospital wing. "What I'm trying to get across is that I never thought all the ridiculous pureblood crap they force-fed me actually mattered."

"Ok,…I'm pretty sure I already was aware of that," James stated.

"Don't worry, my point will be made. But this is important too. So,…as I was saying," Sirius continued, "I was more than glad to get as far away from my parents as possible. Coming here provided me with that opportunity."

"This is going somewhere, isn't it?"

"Yes, I'm getting there. Anyway, within my first year, I made friends with you, Peter, and Remus. Mother would not have approved of these friendships, but that's one of the many things that make it so great. And as I have learned more about you guys, I had to learn to expand my range of acceptance and views on things. I have been changing, James. And I want it to be for the better. But I hate feeling like this."

"Like what?" Questioned James.

"Jealous," Sirius hissed in a low voice.

"Jealous?!" James was flabbergasted. The only time he could recall Sirius being jealous was around other people's parents, and even then, Sirius would just shrug it off.

"I guess I should update you on something."

"Yeah?" Ben asked cautiously.

"I…I'm."

"Well, spit it out already."

"I just have to get this out in the open. I'm gay."

"Really. That's it?" James asked in an incredulous voice.

"You're not shocked?" Sirius's voice cracked as he said this. He forcefully told himself not to act like such a bloody wimp.

"Well, not really," James stated. "Come to think of it, I really should have looked more closely. Maybe I would have picked up on the now blatantly obvious."

The finally-out-to-someone boy, scoffed, and proceeded to tell James, who currently was wearing a scorching, yet playful, glare, "Yeah, right. Sure. No one would have noticed. I'm pro at keeping secrets."

"Whatever pours out of your mouth Sirius."

At this point Sirius was feeling great, thinking he had avoided the truth he had thought James would have continued to tear out of him until the account of his past years at Hogwarts all came onto the table, into the open, where it could be dissected bit by bit. That was, until James spoke up yet again.

"So, what exactly made you so jealous and what does it have to do with you being gay?"

Sirius gulped. Guess the truth can never stay a secret for long.


End file.
